Mapleaks, the strong Canadian arm of WikiLeaks, circulated an audio leak from the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, in regards to the biggest beef-recall in the Canadian history. 
It is my understanding that the audio file was firstly sent to a handful of amateur Canadian podcasters, as they were trusted more than traditional media such as CBC Radio.
It is a classified telephone conversation between a group of concerned (yet confused) Canadian organic cows, and a CFIA call-center officer.
Mapleaks provided the transcript as well, a meritorious work, given the scarcity of fluent Chinglish-Cowglish translators.
Listen (1’39″) while following the transcript below:
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Transcript:
CFIA Agent: Canadian Food Inspection Agency! … (unintelligible Chinglish, along the lines of who the heck is calling on a Friday night just before closing)… Hi!
Cow 1: We’re a group of concerned Canadian cows. Can we ask you a question?
CFIA Agent: Yes, go ahead.
Cow 2: We are petrified by the E. Coli story.
CFIA Agent: So you’re kind of Consumer or Business?
Cow 3: Definitely consumed.
CFIA Agent: OK, may I see the province you’re calling from?
Cow 1: Mu-albertaaa.
CFIA Agent: OK, and what is your question?
Cows: We are worried that E. Coli is going to kill us.
CFIA Agent: You want to know if E. Coli is deadly for the cow?
Cow 1 (really frightened now): Yes!!!
CFIA Agent (lost): Aaaaaa … let me see, can you hold on?
Cow 1 (in a rare nostril dialect of Cowglish, while chewing comfort food): A critical question for our race and he puts me on hold …
CFIA agent: Thank you for holding. So the informations we have here do talk about E. Coli that could be deadly, some people may die through it; we’re talking about people with weak imune system or children that would be contaminated with food…
Cow 1: Stop talking about people! I asked you about COWS!!
CFIA Agent: There is no specific that says that this would be deadly for the cow.
COWS ALL TOGETHER: Yeeeeeessss!!! Say it again, I put you on speaker!
CFIA Agent: … no specific that says that this would be deadly for the cow.
COWS ALL TOGETHER: Yes!!!!!! Say it again, human!
CFIA Agent: … no specific that says that this would be deadly for the cow.
COWS ALL TOGETHER: (banging out the doors, in a sprint to spread the good news)
CFIA Agent: OK, thank you, bye.
** End of transcript** ** Confidential** ** Do not copy **
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CREDITS AND THANKS
- Inspired by the “Pigeon Aviaire” episode on ARTE Radio, as presented by Silvain Gire during the 2012 Third Coast Conference in Chicago (read here for more).
- Pictures courtesy of comedy_nose and BinaryApe on Flickr. Thank you!
- Cow sounds courtesy of the following Freesound users (thank you all!): Benbocan, acclivity, Robinhood76, itsnotfair (the nostrils!), dangerbabe.
